My eyes squint at the narrow scrawl. Am I supposed to be able to read this? I’m not even certain it’s English. And the illustrations make no sense. As far as I can tell, they want me to do a yoga sequence while hitting the bong, but I’m pretty sure that’s not right. If that’s how you summoned angels, it would be common knowledge by now.
The kit came with a lot of little bottles. Most of them are filled with powders of assorted colors, but a few contain liquid, and one has something that looks like a miniature skeleton. The skeleton has wings. Maybe it’s supposed to host the angel?
I grab my tablet and do a quick Internet search for “Acme Angel Summoning Kit directions” but all I get are people complaining that theirs didn’t come with proper instructions. I click through a few of the forums discussing this, but no one seems to have figured out what to do.
Alright… I gather a big bowl set the skeleton in the middle of it. Then I pour the things in the vials on top of it, producing a thick muddy mess.
I Google “How to summon an angel” and learn some words that prominent Elizabethan Dr. John Dee swore would lead to a celestial audience. I utter them.
I shrug, load my bong, and take a hit. Then I do a few sun salutations followed by eagle pose, since eagles are the closest thing I can think of to angels that I know a pose for. As stand there with my limbs all twisted around each other, I say the words again.
The air shimmers and warms. And I whiff the unmistakable scent of sulfur.